An Atmosphere of Trust by Vesper Stamper Alban Jack Comfort Stamper Born at home Monday, February 3, 2003 at 12:46 PM 7 pounds, 14 ounces 19.5 inches long

Monday morning, I had contractions probably beginning around 2:00 AM. I was able to sleep through them halfway. They were probably no less than an hour apart. Around 5:30 AM I noticed it felt like I was leaking so I got up to go to the bathroom. I was definitely leaking, and I had a "real" contraction in the bathroom. I wasn't really alarmed; I had passed my mucus plug 2 weeks ago and didn't want to get my hopes up that this was really labor so I just nonchalantly mentioned it to Ben. I didn't want to wake him if it was not real. So I got back in bed and had more contractions. They were definitely intense, definitely regular--so Ben started timing them. They were all about 60 seconds long, but they felt like 10 seconds to me! It was a total time warp. They were all between 2-4 minutes apart, too. We called Judy around 7 AM. She said to call in an hour, take a shower, eat breakfast and have tea. So then we called Jean and Seton and asked them to bring some stuff over.I wanted to get back in bed.

I got back in bed briefly before Jean came and tried the side-lying position a la Bradley, but it actually hurt worse than sitting at the table. I noticed that I had a little feeling in my butt right before a contraction. Then I'd have about 2 seconds before it would come, so I could take a breath in and go into it. I needed a hand to hold, and when Jean came, she and Ben held both. If I missed or ignored that warning sign, it would take me half the contraction to regain control. Thankfully that only happened a few times. My coping mechanism became that as soon as the pain came I'd breath out for 5 counts, then in and out for 5 until the contraction peaked, and then I could let go. It totally worked. What was so great about my labor was that there was no fuss. No nurses or doctors coming in and out sticking things in me. Just sitting at the kitchen table with Ben and Jean--people that I knew and trusted. Trust was the keyword in my labor.

After we had called everyone and I had showered, we went in the living room and Ben started straightening up. That was fine until I had a couple of contractions alone without his hand to hold. I said, "Ben, I need you here with me. Don't clean." From then on, he never left my side, unless Jean was there with me and he had to make a phone call.

I had two eggos with butter and honey and Judy's special tea (red raspberry leaf, nettle, spearmint and something else that I forgot). Jean was surprised I was allowed to eat. I'm glad I did. I don't know how I would have gotten through on an empty stomach or with just fluids. I just loved sitting there chatting. I noticed though that the only thing I couldn't relax, since the first ones early in the morning, were my thighs. The contractions involved them, too. So Jean and Ben massaged them with their knuckles with one hand while holding my hands. They both squatted down on the floor next to me. I thought, they're going to have sore thighs, too, by the end of this! It did help me relax them. They tried counterpressure on my belly, but that didn't really do anything. Jean asked me, "Have you ever worked so hard in your life?" That was the question of the century. A definite answer "no".

Well, I went to the bathroom and when I came back I sat on the window bench. Then I guess I was starting to get serious. The midwife came and Jean told her the timing--still 3-5 minutes, 60 seconds long. I wanted throat lozenges because the breathing was making my throat hoarse. Things were getting "fast and furious". Anyway, Judy got here around 10:30. Well, at the window bench I put my arms around Ben's waist and pushed my head into his belly. I basically hugged him as tight as I could. Jean said later that really touched her. When Judy got here, she timed a few contractions and we chatted, whatever...then she did an exam on the bed, including a contraction, but she said that would be the only one she'd do that for. Thank God, because it hurt so bad. I said, "Are you sure that's the only one?" She said yes, and that I was 6-7 cm. What she didn't say is that I actually went from 4-5 cm to 7 or 8 cm while she was doing the exam!!! So she told me to get in the shower but as I got off the bed the contractions were suddenly way more intense. Someone said to let go amd make noise, so I did--kind of an "oooo" or "uuuuhhh"--and someone said to make the sound go downwards into my cervix. So I did and it helpd so much.

Well, while I was in the shower, Ben held on to me while I had contractions. It seemed like about 3 or 4 times. Then I wanted to get out and get in the tub. Ben asked if I wanted to walk around and I felt so beat that I said no, I just wanted to get in the tub. So I put on a towel and almost headed to the tub but walking actually felt really good. So we walked around the hall-living room-kitchen a few times, and then the tub really beckoned me. So I got in and Ben sat behind me outside the tub. I remember him holding me up but the pictures show him just behind me with his arms around me. So I got in. Oh, God, it felt so good. I just let myself float. Judy told someone to get me some Recharge drink so Jean did. It seemed like an eternity until I had it! Judy popped a straw in it and I turned to Seton and said "I feel like I'm at Club Med!" Patty, Judy's assistant, came around this time. I tried (ha) to welcome her--as if I were in a position to play hostess! I was probably in there for 45 minutes total. About 10 minutes in (time is so subjective), I felt a kind of urge to push.

Judy told me not to push unless I really had to. Well the next contraction came and I had to. Next thing I know she's in scrubs, laying out her instruments. Whoa. I was so hot--icy washrags on my face helped, but only a little. I was wishing one could just be taped over my face. At some point, Seton came close and said, "You know in old movies when they tell someone to go boil water? Well, she's boiling water. That means the baby's coming soon!" Judy said she was just going to check me so she put her hand in and said there was a little lip of cervix. She told me to push past it. It was hard but I guess I did it. I asked her what station the baby was at and she nonchalantly said, "Oh, you're at a plus station." Then she told me to reach in and feel the baby's head. It was squishy, not like a head but more like the cervix. It was very cool. It felt so high up but apparently was low. At some point she let Ben do the doppler. She was constantly checking with the doppler. The baby's heart rate was terrific the whole time. With every push, there was pain in my hips from the baby's bones on mine. Seton massaged them lightly and that helped, even though it was such a light touch. But I wanted it to stop. And yet I knew I could keep going as long as I needed to. A couple of minutes later I wanted to get out of the tub. So Judy said to get a blanket in case I delivered right outside the tub. Judy told Jean to warm up some towels in the oven.

Somehow everyone got me out of the tub and I pushed once squatting on the tarp. Then somehow they got me on the bed. It seemed like climbing a mountain. The baby must have been crowning at this point. Judy was already set up in the bedroom! She suggested I try side-lying and I happily complied. At that point I was ready to do anything anyone told me to do. So Seton held my leg, and Jean held my foot so I could push against it. The pain in my hips wasn't there anymore. I felt the "ring of fire". I just did what felt good, pushing way, way down into my bottom. Well, I looked to my side and there was Ben kneeling by my side, looking so intently into my eyes that I was transported to a very peaceful place. He looked like an angel--the face of pure love. He looked so squarely into my eyes with that love. I needed that--it refocused me on the task. I knew everything really was going to be OK. Not that I ever doubted, really. In fact, I only had one contraction that felt like "I can't do this anymore." But even that notion I knew to be untrue and it passed very quickly.

Next thing I knew, the head was out! I was looking at a head! It looked so small--so much smaller than I thought it would be. I touched it. There was a lot of hair. Then all of a sudden I heard Judy say, "Vesper, I want you to get on your hands and knees. "How in the world am I going to do that?!" I said. Here's this head between my legs, and she wanted me to move? But somehow, again, everyone got me flipped over and it felt like I was light as a feather. A couple of pushes later, and fast, and the baby came squirming out! Oh. My. Gosh!!! I felt like I was free-falling on a roller coaster--his body felt 10 feet long and so wriggly and squiggly--and his cord felt like a 10-foot long internal bungee cord. I almost felt like I was going to snap back and go flying across the room and hit the wall! I let out this "whooooaaaaaahhhhhh!!!" as if I were plummeting down a roller coaster. That's really how it felt. What a release and relief. I think if I had had drugs, I would have missed that feeling of his squirminess. Then somehow again, they flipped me over and I heard Judy ask Ben if he was going to cut the cord. So he did, but I don't really remember it.

The next scene that flashes in my mind (they're all flashes from this point) is the baby on my chest. I felt disoriented. I still didn't connect the baby to all of this. He came out crying and cried for a little bit on my chest, but then he heard my voice and he stared at me. He was so alert! He looked around, trying to focus his eyes. They were like two separate entities for a little bit, each eye looking a different way. Then I felt a warm trickle. Aaaahhh. He peed on me. Hee hee. Twice. The next flash is me there, Ben next to me stroking my hair, the baby on me.

The next thing I remember is getting up to take a shower. My lungs, now having room, felt like they dropped down into my stomach. Kind of achy, but nice to have them back where they belonged after being so short of breath during the last couple months. Also, all the breathing and pushing in labor made them sore. So I took a shower, which felt unbelievably amazing, came back to the room and the bed had been stripped, and everything was clean. The baby was in the other room with the "Chatty Kathies", as Judy called them. So I got dressed, brushed my hair and got in bed. Judy checked the baby, did his footprints, and dressed him. After that they handed the baby to me. He was so snuggly, cozy and alert. It felt so good to say his name as she did the birth certificate: Alban Jack Comfort Stamper.

The whole birth team were miracle workers--especially Judy. I am thankful for her quick action in delivering Alban. And I am convinced that this was the right way for me to give birth. I wouldn't have done it any other way--hospital, drugs (it never occurred to me once to ask for them. Not once). Alban's Apgars were 8 and 10, and he was so alert I could not believe it. Everyone helped Alban to come into the world so beautifully and peacefully, with no stress or mistrust. And Judy was so on the ball. Thank God! She was amazing and I want her to deliver all my kids. I'm happy to stay in New Jersey for that.

Welcome to the world, Alban!

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